1. Drink your coffee sitting down, and out of an actual cup.
2. Insist that you have ‘almost no money left’ when your friends invite you to a cocktail bar. Propose wine at yours.
3. Always carry a packet of tissues in your bag.
4. Moisturize obsessively.
5. Spend a sixth of your income on scented candles.
6. Order rosé in March like the brazen, untameable woman that you are.
7. Make the last item on your grocery list a gigantic bouquet of flowers.
8. Be suspicious of: politicians, dating apps, supermarket bread, overly-smiley people, any orange cheese that isn’t mimolette, and cafés that serve more than two kinds of milk. Also: margarine.
9. Always assume people want your opinion.
10. Ensure that at least 85% of what you say is accompanied by hand gestures.
11. Shoot an emphatic look of horror at any person who asks to meet for dinner before 8pm.
12. Have a favorite chef.
13. And a favorite film director.
14. Learn how to ride a bike in a dress without flashing anyone.
15. Spend a few hours every weekend wandering through a new neighborhood without any specific purpose in mind.
16. Go to a museum to look at “art”, by which we mean “handsome men with sensitive souls and a great collection of Merino wool sweaters that they regularly dry clean because they have both the sense and income to do so.”
17. Wear a plain white t-shirt and jeans with an absurdly expensive perfume.
18. Compliment other women and mean it.
19. In summer, carry a small bottle of facial mist with you and spritz yourself in public with wild, sensual abandon.
20. Wear matching sets.
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